I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i believe in u and ur pee
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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