the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
