Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
