How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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