Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize