p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
