i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
