If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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