So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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