32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We had sex on a dog bed..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
