I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
