I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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