just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
