once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
