Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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