I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
