Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
