Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My life is pants optional.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
