Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
