I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
