i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
