Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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