I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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