He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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