Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
