You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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