I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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