im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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