I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
