I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
