You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you had me at cake vodka
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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