Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This house was built for laser tag.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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