So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
