if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
