i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
