in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We are two peas in an std pod
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
