Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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