you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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