i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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