Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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