I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
