I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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