why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
