you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
