I puked a lego.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
