i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
