How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
