My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
