how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
