And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
