is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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