I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
