i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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