I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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