I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
