i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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