Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need a beard to bite.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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