something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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