last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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