apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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