she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
