I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
