I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
