Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
