mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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