I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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