Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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