I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
