after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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