I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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