you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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