I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
