booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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