Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
