she looked like the before picture.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
where are you?
Hypothermia
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
